“RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE”

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

Introduction

Islam believes family institution is the basic foundation for the building of a strong nation. Family, being the nucleus and basic unit of society is very much linked to the institution of marriage which is the legitimate means for perpetuating new families. And social coexistence depends very much on each individual to know their place and their responsibilities, to know their rights and the rights of others, and to strive in fulfilling them. In the Qur’an Allah (most exalted and high is He) specifies the principles for a society that is successful as opposed to being losers thus :

“Consider the flight of time ! Verily, man is bound to lose himself unless he be of those who attain to faith, and do good works, and enjoin upon one another to truth, and enjoin upon one another patience in adversity.”
(Qur’an : al-’Asr : 103 : 1-3)

Fulfillment of one’s roles and responsibilities, when carried out with a conscious intent to serve the Creator, is therefore a righteous act. What are the acts that are good and righteous ? This has been detailed in the teachings of Islam based on principles laid down in the Qur’an and the Sunnah (practices) of the Messenger Muhammad [pbuh]. Thus in marriage, Islam specifies duties for individuals in the family in their respective roles as husband and wife. And every Muslim are obliged to carry out these responsibilities with Taqwa (full awareness of Allah Whom we shall be accountable to). The Prophet [pbuh] said :

“When the servant of God marries, he has fulfilled half of the responsibilities laid on him by the faith, so let him have Taqwa (i.e. let him be mindful of God) concerning (the fulfilling of) the remaining half (of his responsibilities).”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITIES


[a] Obedience to Allah and His Messenger.

“O you who have attained to faith ! Pay heed (obey) Allah, and pay heed unto the Messenger, and let not your (good) deeds come to naught ! “
(Qur’an : Muhammad : 47 : 33)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Save yourselves and your family (from) the fire (of Hell in the hereafter) whose fuel is human beings and stones; (lording) over it are angels stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in whatever He has commanded them, but (always) do what they are bidden to do.”
(Qur’an : Tahrim : 66 : 6)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Be true to your covenants !
(Qur’an : al-Ma’idah : 5 : 1)

[b] To live in tranquillity with love and mercy.

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you (azwaaj - plural for zawj) mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell (live) in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.”
(Qur’an : ar-Rum : 30 : 21)

[c] To safeguard own chastity and honor.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity; this will be most conducive to their purity - [and] verily Allah is aware of all that they do.
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity [in public] beyond what may [decently] be apparent thereof; hence, let them draw their head coverings over their bosoms. and let them not display [more of] their charms to any but their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s son, or their womenfolk, or those whom they rightfully possess, or such male attendants beyond all sexual desire, or children that are as yet unaware of women’s nakedness; and let them not swing their legs [in walking] so as to draw attention to their hidden charms. And [always], O you believers - all of you - turn to Allah in repentance, so that you might attain to a happy state !
(Qur’an : an-Nur : 24 : 30-31)

[d] To maintain confidentiality

The Prophet [pbuh] said : “Of all the people, the worst is that person who approaches his wife and enjoy her company, and then he publicize this secret (to others). (Hadith of the Prophet)


HUSBAND’S OBLIGATION (WIFE’S RIGHT)



[a] Provision of Mahr (Dowry)

“And give unto women their marriage portion (mahr* - dowry) in the spirit of a gift; but if they, of their own accord, give up unto you ought thereof, then enjoy it with pleasure and good cheer.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ : 4 : 4)

* note that a wife is a person with rights to ownership. And the marriage begins with the husbands acknowledgment that she is not a liability nor is she a property to be owned.


[b] Provide maintenance for the Wife

“Let him who has ample means spend in accordance with his amplitude; and let him whose means of subsistence are scanty spend in accordance with what Allah has given him; Allah does not burden any human being with more than He has given him - [and it may well be that] Allah will grant, after hardship, ease. “
(Qur’an : at-Talaq : 65 : 7)

* note that even in the event that the husbands income may become affected, he still has to provide for the wife’s maintenance from whatever wealth which he has.
* as regards the wife’s needs it must be extended to : physical, emotional, conjugal, intellectual, cultural, and spiritual as well.

[c] Protector and guardian of the Wife

“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ 4 : 34)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Save yourselves and your family (from) the fire (of Hell in the Hereafter....”

(Qur’an : at-Tahrim : 66 : 6)

* as guardian, the five major duties which a husband accepts from the her guardian are to be remembered : viz: her physical needs such as food and clothing, her Islamic development (religious, intellectual and moral), her shelter (security and protection), preservation of her dignity and honour.

[d] Duty to treat the Wife with kindness and equity

“And (O Believers ! ) live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity (ma’aruf); for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah might yet make a source of abundant good. “
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ : 4 :19)

OBLIGATIONS OF THE WIFE (HUSBAND’S RIGHT)



[a] To be obedient to her husband on matters not contrary to Islam

“The righteous women are truly the devoutly obedient ones, who guard the intimacy which Allah has (ordained to be ) guarded.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa : 4 : 34)

The Prophet was asked : “Which is the best woman ?” He replied : “A woman who fills her husband with joy when he looks at her, and when he asks anything lawful she obeys, and never adopts any attitude in connection with her ownself and her goods which is repugnant to him.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

* obedience of the wife to her husband is very much emphasize ( except if he commands her to do something directly contrary to teachings of Islam, in which case she must not obey).

[b] To fulfill the conjugal rights of her Husband

“When the husband calls the wife to bed (for conjugal relation) and she refuses to obey, the angel curses her till the next morning.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

* the husbands’ sexual needs must be catered for by the wife, after all one of the objective for marriage is so that he can find a lawful means to satisfy this need.

[c] Protects the Husband’s prestige and property

“After piety (Taqwa) .....that which is the most treasured is a righteous woman ...... who, if he puts her under a vow, she fully observes it. and in the absence of the husband, she guards with his honor and his property).”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

[d] Manages the household and the upbringing of the Children

“A man is a shepherd in charge of his household and he shall be held responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s home and children and she shall be held responsible for them. So every one of you is shepherd and each of you are responsible for his flock.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

“A woman who performs her five daily obligatory prayers, fast in the month of Ramadhan, protects her modesty and chastity, and is obedient to her husband, she may enter Paradise through any door she likes.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

Wa Allaahu a'-lam

Was-salaa-mu 'alaykum warah matullaah