 “Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) - the Final Messenger of God”

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

(Based on talk / presentation delivered in Masjid Darus-Salam, Clementi Singapore.)

Introduction

The phenomenon of Revealed religion:

• We Muslims acknowledge that that there have been personalities (prophets) chosen by God, sanctified and guided to receive direct knowledge from God Himself termed as “Wahyi” revelations, through the ages.
• All their message revolves around guiding mankind towards fulfilling their role on this earth through obedience to God’s Will as His vicegerents.
• We believe that, to every nation there has been such personalities sent by God, except that such teachings over time may have disappeared or superceded by subsequent prophets – until the coming of the Final or Seal of the Prophethood – whose Message will remain preserved for posterity amongst mankind.
• Being the Last Messenger, he was sent not to a particular nation or tribe as previous prophets were, but meant for all people.
• That Messenger was Prophet Muhammad (may the salutations of Allah, peace and blessings be upon Him) – born in Makkah, migrated to Madina and established a model community, transformed people who were in darkness (ignorance) into light (of Faith and knowledge), which later bloomed to produce a truly cosmopolitan civilization – the “Islamic Civilization” that touched and benefitted many nations.
• The simple message of the Oneness of God (Tawhiid) – which he re-established with God’s guidance, united its adherents towards manifesting the universal brotherhood of man, sharing the common responsibility to become God’s obedient servants and His representative on earth.

“JazaAllahu Sayidina wa Nabiyyina Muhammad ‘an-naa khay-ran
bimaa huwa ah-luh ”

“Allaahumma-solli ‘ala Muhammad wa ‘alaa aali
Muhammad”

Commandment for Muslims to be grateful:

"Allah did confer a great favour on the Believers when He sent among them a Messenger from among themselves, rehearsing unto them the Signs of Allah, sanctifying them and instructing them in Scripture and Wisdom, while before that, they had been in manifest error.”
(Qur’an: Aali Imran: 3: 164)

Some facts about Muhammad (pbuh):

• His honourable lineage and early upbringing was known to all in Makkah.
• Acknowledged, even by his adversaries of his time as “one who is the truthful and the trustworthy (As-sadiq al-Aamin)”.
• Was an illiterate (“ummiy” - unlettered), who never had any social, political, economical aspirations for 40 years before.
• Yet, consider his initial experience of the first revelation:

“Read! (or proclaim, recite) In the name of Thy Lord and Sustainer Who created – Created man out of a mere clot: Read for thy Lord is Most Bountiful – He Who taught (the use of) the Pen – Taught man that which he knew not.”
(Qur’an: al-’Alaq : 96: 1-5)

What was main Message brought by him?

Tawhiid (True Attestation to the Oneness of God):

“Laa - ilaa –ha -il-lAllaah,
Muham-madur - Ra-suu - lullaah”

(That there is none to be worshipped as god, except Allah [the One Who alone is the Divine]; and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah)

What was the Message that he received from God?

• Clarifying to the polytheist of Makkah thge question as to "Who is Allah (God)?" , the following was revealed as the response:

Mankind may speak of God, the Divine Being; yet they ascribe to things in nature (obviously part of creation, not the Creator) and regard it as that god. They even subscribe to the idea of multiplicity of God; and erroneously apply human imagination with its anthropomorphic tendencies, to the extent that absurdities and myth, incarnation and idolatry, etc. concerning God were accepted as truth. The Makkan were such people. So when they confronted Muhammad and ask him to explain who God is, the reply came in perfect Arabic; brief, and yet profoundly latent with the truth that subsequent theologians and philosophers could not fault:

“Say (O Muhammad): He (God) is Allah, the One and and Only;
Allah (God), the Eternal, Absolute; He begets not, nor was He
begotten; and there is none Like unto Him”
(Qur’an : al- Ikhlash: 112: 1-4)

• And as regarding himself vis-à-vis his mission, God commands him to say, inter alia, the following:

"Say (O Muhammad) : “O Men! I am sent unto you all, as the Messenger of Allah, to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: there is no god but He: it is He that gives both life and death. So believe in Allah and His Messenger - the unlettered Prophet, who believes in Allah and His Words: follow him so that you may be guided.”
(Qur’an : al- A'raf 7: 158)

“Say (O Muhammad) :’I am but a man like yourselves, (but) the inspiration (from God) has come to me, that your God is One God: whoever expects to meet his Lord, let him work righteousness, and in the worship of his Lord, admit no one as partner (to God).”
(Qur’an : al- Kahfi : 18 : 110)

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Show me those you have joined with Him (God) as partners: by no means (can you). Nay, He is Allah the Exalted in Power, the
Wise.’
We have not sent you (O Muhammad) but as a universal Messenger for all
mankind, giving glad tidings and warning them against sin, but most men
understand not.”
(Qur’an : Saba’ : 34 : 27-28)

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘If you do love Allah (God), follow me: Allah (God) will love you and forgive you your sins: for Allah (God) is Oft-Forgiving, Most
Merciful.”
(Qur’an : aali ‘Imran : 3 : 31)

• And his message for all, God commands him to say, inter alia, the following:

“Whoever works acts if righteousness and has (true) Faith – his endeavour will not be rejected: We shall record it in his favour.”
(Qur’an : al- Anbiya’ : 21 : 94)

• He brought the Glad tidings regarding the message of the Mercy and forgiveness from God for all :

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Turn ye to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His Will, before the penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be help. And follow the Best (of courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the penalty comes on you while you – of a sudden, while ye perceive it not! –”
(Qur’an : al- Zumar : 39 : 53-55)

• And to the People of the book he was commanded to clarify:

  “Say :O People of the Book! Let us come to common terms as between us and you: that we worship none but the One God (Allah) that we do not ascribe any partners with Him; that we erect not from among ourselves Lords and Patrons other than God (Allah).” If they turn back then say ye (O Muhammad): ‘Bear witness (at least) that we are Muslims (those who bow to Allah’s Will)
  (Qur’an : ali-'Imran : 3 : 64)

“Say : We believe in Allah (the One and only God), and in that which has been sent down upon us and upon Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac and Jacob, and the tribes, and that which was given to Moses and Jesus and the prophets of their Lord; we make no division between any of them, and to Him (Allah) we surrender (as
Muslims).”
(Qur’an : al-Baqarah : 2 : 136)

• And towards these people on whom previous revelations have been sent (People of the Book):

“O People of the Book! There has now come to you Our Messenger, revealing to you much that you used to hide in the Book and passing over much (that you regard as unnecessary): there has come to you from Allah (God) a (new) light and a perspicuous Book wherewith Allah guides all who seek His good pleasure to ways of peace and safety, and leads them out of darkness, by His Will, unto the light – guides them to a Path that is Straight.”
(Qur’an : al- Maa-’idah : 5 : 15-16)

“Say: ‘O People of the Book! Exceed not in your religion the bounds (of what is proper), trespassing beyond the Truth, nor follow the vain desires of people who went wrong in times gone by – who misled many, and strayed (themselves from the even Way.”
(Qur’an : al- Maa-’idah : 5 : 77)

• And regarding the message of Prophet ‘Isa (Jesus), Muhammad was commanded to say:

“They do blaspheme who say ‘God is Christ the son of Mary.’ But said Christ: ‘O Children of Israel! Worship Allah (the One God), my Lord and your Lord.’ Whoever join other as gods with Allah (God) – Allah will forbid him the Garden, and the Fire will be his abode. There will be, for the wrongdoers, no one to help.”
(Qur’an : al- Maa-’idah : 5 : 72)

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Muhammad – the Awaited Prophet.

“Say (O Muhammad): Do you see? Whether this message (teaching) be from Allah and yet you reject it, and a witness from among the Children of Israel bore witness of one like him………...”
(Qur’an : Ahqaf: 46: 10)

Many Muslims scholars understand this as reference, a prophecy concerning him as being in the likeness of Moses a.s. - as recorded even in the present day Bible in Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy 18 : 18 :-

“I will raise up for them a prophet like unto you (O Moses) from amongst their brethren; and I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. And whoever will not give heed to My words which he shall speak in My name, I Myself will require it of him."

(Book of Deutronomy -18:18)

• Who were the brethren to the Children of Isra'il? Do note that the Quraysh Arabs were descended from Prophet Ishmael (Isma'il a.s.) the first-born son to Prophet Abraham (Ibrahim a.s.), thus related to the Jew as he was a brethren to the Prophet Isaac (Ishaq a.s.) although both had different mothers.The use of phrase "their brethren" would imply that of the Ishmalite line, and not descendants of Isaac (the children of Israil) because, if it were to be so, then the appropriate term would be "from among them."

• Also, the phrase "and I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. And whoever will not give heed to My words which he shall speak in My name.." is unmistakably referring to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. This can be borne out from the manner the Qur'an was revealed, ad verbetim to him who was illiterate (ummiy), in perfect Arabic unknown to anyone and which they cannot produce a likeness to it; intermittent the revelation proclaim God's name e,g. in the first revelation "Read in the name of thy Lord who creates .." and intermittently the phrase "In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful."

• As regards the many similarities betweem Moses and Muhammad (may peace and blessings of Allah be upon them both), let us compare:

------------------------------------------- comparative chart --------------------------------------------

PROPHET MUSA (MOSES) A.S.:

1. Separated from his mother and adopted by the leading man in power (Pharaoh).
2. Well-loved by all in the court of Pharaoh.
3. Gave up life in Pharaoh's court and spent time in the wilderness around the Sinai peninsula.
4. Married and had a family before becoming a prophet (he married the daughter of Jethro - in the Qur'an referred to as prophet "Shu'ayb" a.s.)
5. Experienced first revelation in the Mountain (Sinai).
6. Preached the clear message of the Absolute Oneness of God. “Hear O Israel! Your Lord God is One God.”
7. Commanded to preach to the people in power (i.e. Pharaoh), who knew him.
8. Has his brother Aaron (Harun a.s.) to assist in his mission throughout, acted as his vizier discharging his responsibilty as well as assume guardianship of his family during Moses' absence when he climbed Mt. Sinai.
9. Experience beatific vision of the presence of God in the sacred valley of Tuwa in
   Mount Sinai - encountering the burning bush, had interlocution with God, and receiving the ten commandments direct from God.
10. He was at first rejected by his people but in the end was accepted as the Messenger of God.
11. His life and his people were threatened and oppressed, yet managed to bring his people safely out of the land of oppression through “Exodus”, and established a community, governed over them by the Law of God (Torah or "Taurah").
12. Had to face enemies within his community (the hypocrites); they introduced the 'golden calf' to undermine Moses' teaching and authority; but this was smashed and destroyed, the perpetrators exposed and condemned by God.
13. Had both spiritual and temporal powers; and like a sovereign he had power of life and death over his people.
14. Was assisted by many miracles; God brought down hosts fro heaven to route his enemies who were out to wage war against his people.
15. Was successful in his mission; left his community with a legacy and guidance.
16. Died at an old age and buried on this earth.
    

PROPHET MUHAMMAD S.A.W.:

1. Separated from his mother and adopted by the leading man in power (Quraysh leader).
2. Well-loved by all in the council of the Quraysh.
3. Kept away from the Quraysh way and spent time in the mountain outside Makkah.
4. Married and had a family before becoming a prophet (he married the Khadijah daughter of Khuwailid).
5. Experienced first revelation in the Mountain (Jabal Nur).
6. Preached the clear message of the Absolute Oneness of God. “There is no god except Allah (the One and Only God)”
7. Commanded to preach to the people in power (i.e. the Quraysh), who knew him.
8. Has Ali ibn Abu Talib r.a., his cousin likened as brother, who assisted his mission through out, who remained in Makkah to discharge all the trusts as well as act as guardianship over the prophet' household, when Muhammad s.a.w. left on the Hijrah with Abu Bakr r.a.
9. Was miraclously brought on the night journey "Isra' " and then transported up "mi'raj" to witness the beatific presence of God in the highest heaven "Sidratul-muntaha", where he had direct audience with God, and recieved the commandments for the 5 daily devotions "Swolah" directly from God..
10. He was at first rejected by his people but in the end was accepted as the Messenger of God.
11. His life and his people were threatened and oppressed, yet managed to bring his people safely out of the land of oppression through “Hijrah”, and established a community, governed over them by the Law of God (Qur’an and the Sunnah).
12. Had spiritual and temporal powers; and like a sovereign he had power of life and death over his people.
13. Had to face enemies within (the hypocrites -"munaafiqun"), they buid a mosque(masjid dirar) to undermine Muhammad's teachings and authority; but this was burned and destroyed, the perpetrators exposed and condemned by God.
14. Was assisted with many miracles; God sent down angels from heaven to route his enemies in wars waged against him by the Quraysh, especially in the of Battle of Badr.
15. Was successful in his mission; left his community with a legacy and guidance.
16. Died at an old age; and was buried on this earth.

And after Moses a.s. there has not been one prophet from the Children of Israil that can fit this description. Even at the time of prophets John the baptist (Yahya a.s.) and Jesus son of Mary ('Isa a.s.). the Jews were waiting for fulfilment of 3 more prophecies and asking the question at that time : "Are you Elijah?, or are you the Messiah?, or are you THAT prophet?"

If we consider John (Yahya a.s.) as the Elijah, the one who herald the coming of the Messiah. And in the presentday Gospel, Jesus a.s. begun his mission only after he was baptised by John. And Jesus son of Mary ('Isa a.s.) is acknowledged not just y Christians, but even in the Qur'an as the "al-Maseeh" (literally the equivalent to the "Messiah" - meaning the "Christ", the "Anointed"). So the last that is left to be fullfilled is " THAT Prophet" - and Biblical scholar would cross-reference this personality to Deutronomy 8:18 . Muhammad s.a.w. who came about 500 years after Jesus a.s. fits the description perfectly.

------------------------------------------- end of comparative chart ------------------------------------

Prophet Muhammad's (s.a.w.) important Legacy.

• The Last Book of Revelation from God – “Al-Qur’an”.

• The Way of Life (As-Sunnah) of God’s Messenger through the corpus called “Ahadith”.

• He re-established the true faith of Prophet Abraham (Ibrahim a.s.) - the common ancestor to Monotheistic religion – and restored the Ka’bah (which was built by Abraham) as the Symbol to unite mankind under the Message of the unity of God (Tawhid). For he (Muhammad) was that Awaited Prophet promised to Abraham; and whose coming was prophesized by Moses and Jesus.

• The “faithful community” that adhere to its teachings (termed as Shari’ah), which seeks to perfect human conditions through two approaches:

1. Correcting and perfecting the practices and customs of
   society in general – “inviting towards what is good,
   enjoining what is right and forbidding wrong”;
2. At the individual level: Educating and perfecting the noble
   character and virtues of people – the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. said : “I have not been raised up as a Prophet except (as the educator and
   best exemplar) to perfect the nobility of character of
   man”

• Commandment for Muslims to build a model community of universal brotherhood, as Witnesses so that others may witness the Way of life of the God-fearing:

Thus have We made you an Ummah (community) that (with your lives) you might be witnesses over the nations, and the Messenger a witness over
yourselves;”
(Qur’an Al-Baqarah : 2: 143)

• Commandment to share the message of Truth with all people through peaceful dialogue, but always respecting the basic rights of every people viz.:

a. right to practice their religion (no coercion);
b. right and sanctity of every human life;
c. right to preservation of the intellect (right to Truth, every beneficial knowledge);
d. right to individual ownership of property;
e. right to family and dignity (progeny and preservation of good name);

• To co-operate with every people in common virtues :

“Verily Allah does command towards the upholding of Justice, the doing of good, liberality towards kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, injustice and rebellion.” (Qur’an: an-Nahlu:16: 90)

• An important advice of Prophet Muhammad for Muslims:

“Be conscious of Allah at every place (and moment), if you committed a wrong (desist) and follow it up by doing good works as reparation, and interact with all people by exuding goodly and noble conduct.” (Hadith of the Prophet)

• God’s Message towards mutual coexistence amongst Mankind.

“O Mankind! Verily We have created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and have made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other (not that you despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most Righteous and God-fearing amongst you. And Allah is well-acquainted (with all things).”
(Qur’an: Al-Hujurat : 49: 13)

“But seek, with the (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on you, the home of the Hereafter, nor forget thy portion in this world: but do good towards others has Allah has been good to you, and seek not (occasions) for mischief in the land: for Allah loves not those who do mischief.”
(Qur’an: Al-Qasas: 28: 77)

May Allah, the Most Compassionate and Merciful God, grants us His Guidance and strength, to open our hearts to accept His Mercy – for “You (O Muhammad) has not been sent, except as a Mercy for all (of Allah’s creature)” (Qur’an: al- Anbiya’ : 21: 107).

“Wabillaahi - taufiq wa- al-Hidaa -yah”

“WAS-SALAAM” : May the blessings of Peace be upon everyone who follow the Guidance.

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SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP: THE ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

INTRODUCTION

Islam is a system of living that supports the full realization of man’s potentials and needs. It recognizes the sexual needs of man and does not view sex as something profane. It also provides the necessary guidance for the proper achievement of sexual fulfillment without sacrificing the morality of man.

Islam also recognizes that our sexual needs are a natural and positive mechanism and it is a gift from Allah for us. Obsession with the subject of sex to arouse lustful passion, thereby unleashing the drive without due regard to responsibility, is profanity. In the context of marriage, knowledge on sexuality, how it is to be fully benefited, is very important for it is one of the means of acknowledging the favours of Allah:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between your hearts, affection and mercy.Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect.”
(Quran :ArRum:30:21)

2. THE SEXUAL POTENTIAL IN MAN

The sexual potential in human beings is natural. In Islam, we are taught that the age of puberty is determined by:

• Age: 15 lunar years for boys or 9 lunar years for girls; or
• Internal change: in boys, when they experience a wet dream; and in girls, when they begin to experience menstruation; or
• Physical change: when there is growth of coarse hair around the genitals.

Not only does Islam recognize the sexual needs of man as a natural development, it also stresses the nurturing of it rather than suppressing it. Thus, it highly recommends marriage and regards it as a righteous deed. Islam considers marriage as an aid and not as a hindrance to the spiritual development of man. Hence, Islam opposes celibacy (a vow to abstain from sex) and monasticism (the way of life of a monk).

If, for some reason, a Muslim is unable to marry soon after becoming sexually mature, Islam advocates abstinence from sexual activities through regular fasting and by being involved in beneficial physical activities. Premarital sex is considered as fornication (Zina) and is forbidden. So too are such unnatural acts of homosexuality, lesbianism and masturbation. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has advised early marriage for the youths that are capable:

“0 Assembly of youth, whoever amongst you is able to make a home let him get married for it will very much avert one’s eyes from lustful sights, and is most chasteful for the private parts; whoever is not able then he should fast, because it will repulse him therefrom.”

(Hadith narrated by Bukhari)

3. COMPARATIVE VIEWS ON SEX & PIETY

In other religious or moral systems, sex has been regarded as a hindrance towards spiritual development. Thus, celibacy is regarded as meritorious and piety is seen as totally opposed to sexuality. Sex is inherently considered bad and irreligious and should be discarded in a person’s quest towards religious piety.

On the other extreme, the sexual revolution, which started in the West, facilitated by the efficient media and has now spread to the other parts of the world, lacks the stress on responsibility (morality). Some even go to the extent of glorifying “sex”, perhaps a form of reaction towards the hypocrisy advocated by other religious or moral systems. This could be the main cause for the general degradation of morality in society.

Islam is contrary to both these extremes. It advocates balance and has never been faced with such dilemma. Sexuality has never been seen as contrary to piety. They are both necessary and complimentary. Indeed, Islam even teaches us that the proper fulfillment of our sexual needs is important to the development of piety.


4. AN OBJECTIVE OF MARRIAGE

One of the objectives of marriage is to ensure the proper and healthy sexual fulfillment of both husband and wife. Islam considers this as crucial for their religious development. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) advises those who marry when he said:

“When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the responsibilities laid on him by the faith (Islam), let him (therefore) observe Taqwa (the consciousness and fear of Allah) on matters concerning the remaining half”
(Hadith)

5. IMMORAL SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR

Infidelity and casual sex are immoral sexual activities, as they do not carry the moral responsibilities necessary for a safe and healthy lifestyle. The social problems created by such immoral sexual behavior are detrimental to society.

When we discuss sexuality, we must consider several important aspects that form the very foundation of society. They are the institution of the family, the status of women, the medical and spiritual well being of the individual and the welfare of the general public which can be affected by the sexual practices of the society in which they live.

It is unrealistic to enforce a totally moral society in which everyone conforms to an exact behavior, publicly and privately. Such rigidity is not what Islam advocates. Islam recognizes individual freedom, especially when it involves people of other faiths. However, when the behavior of certain individual jeopardizes the interests of society, then the latter must be safeguarded.

Therefore, the education of citizens and the provision of healthy lifestyles become necessary, and safeguarding the society may include legal sanctions against those who indulge themselves in such immoral sexual activities. Marriage is therefore encouraged as it brings about a safe and healthy lifestyle.

A sort of “quarantine” has been suggested in Islam regarding those who lead permissive lifestyles i.e. to marry persons of similar tendencies. As for Believers, they are enjoined to look for partners who are known to be chaste. This moral law can perhaps contain or limit the dangers of promiscuity from affecting the Muslim community. Allah s.w.t. teaches us in the Qur'an that:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure are for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: These are innocent of all what people say: For them there is forgiveness and a provision honourable.
(Quran: An Nur 24: 26)

Islam has regarded infidelity, casual sex and indecency as harmful and social evils. Such ways of life affect society in many ways, such as marital breakdowns, the problem of unwed mothers, illegitimate children, sexual crimes, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. Those who advocate other contrary views, whether it is free sex or abstinence from sex surely cannot provide meaningful solutions to these problems. Marriage, on the other hand, has all along been the most natural solution to such social problems and Islam highly encourages it as an important institution to be preserved.


6. RESPECT FOR OUR BODIES

Everything that we have been favoured with, are gifts from Allah s.w.t. He is Al-Khaaliq (the Creator), Al-Baari-’u (the Fashioner/Evolver) and Al-Musawwir (the Bestower of forms and colour). As Believers, acknowledgement of who Allah is, requires the inculcation of respect for all that Allah has created. This must begin with our loved ones and us. We are also reminded that all our organs will be questioned in the hereafter. Thus we are not to abuse or misuse them:

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. their private parts, from illegal sexual acts) except from their wives or that their right hands possess, for them, they are free from blame; But whosoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.
(Quran: Al-Mu’minun: 23:5-7)

Respect and responsibility must also be shown to others, especially to our spouses. We are to remember that in the hereafter, Allah s.w.t. will judge us for all our actions:

“On the Day when their tongues, their hands and their feet will bear witness against them as to what they used to do.”
(Quran: An Nur: 24:24)

We are to be grateful to Allah for giving us our spouses and we should remember that:

“Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; And fear Allah, And know that ye are to meet Him (in the hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe.”
(Quran: Al Baqarah: 2:223)

7. SEX (IN MARRIAGE) - AS AN ACT OF OBEDIENCE TO ALLAH S.WT.

Islam, being a total way of life, encompasses every human activity. The guidance provided in Islam teaches us the norms of behavior. It tells us what we can or cannot do and these are termed as HUKM (rules). A Muslim is therefore always conscious of being obedient to Allah by conforming to these rules. Even sex, when conforming to His guidance, is regarded as an act of obedience to Allah s.w.t.


8. THE WEDDING NIGHT

It is encouraged that the husband performs a two raka’at sunnat prayer, after which, to give thanks to Allah s.w.t., supplicates to Him and ask for His blessings relating to the marriage, as in the following do’a:

“0 Allah! Bless me with her affection and her acceptance of me; and make me be pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of union and in absolute harmony; surely You like what is lawful and dislike the unlawful things.”

The wife is to do the same, following the example of the husband. And when they are ready to go to bed, the husband should put his hands on his wife’s forehead and supplicate (do’a) to Allah s.w.t. while facing the direction of the Qiblah to ask Him:

“0 Allah! I have taken her as Your trust (Amanah) and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed a child from her, then make him/her a blessed and pious Muslim and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.”


9. WHEN TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?

It is a private decision but consideration must be given to each other’s feelings.


10. WHEN IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE FORBIDDEN (HARAM) ?

(a) During Menstruation and Post-Natal Bleeding

Considering the discomfort ladies experience during menstruation (haidh) and post-natal bleeding (nifas), Islam has forbidden sex on these occasions.

“They ask thee concerning women‘s courses; Say: They are a hurt and a pollution; So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean, but when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them as ordained for you by Allah; For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.
(Quran: Al Baqarah: 2: 222)

The duration of menstruation is more or less than 10 days. Bleeding if for less than 3 days is not menstruation. If it is more than 10 days (exceeding the normal), it is not considered as menstruation, but irregular bleeding (Istihadzah). Sexual intercourse is only forbidden during menstruation until she is cleansed.

Sexual intercourse is also forbidden immediately after childbirth, when the mother experiences post-natal bleeding (nifas), sexual activities can be resumed after the bleeding has ceased and she has cleansed herself.


(b) When Fasting

Permitted to you on the night of the fast, is the approach to your wives. They
are your garments and ye are their garments.
(Quran: Al-Baqarah: 2:18 7)

Although sexual intercourse is allowed in the night of the fast, it is forbidden during fasting. Committing it will not only nullify (spoil) your fast, but you are also required to pay expiation (kafarah) by either freeing a slave, or fasting daily for 2 months consecutively, or feeding 60 poor people.


(c) When in state of devotion (Ihram) during Pilgrimage

When performing “Umrah” or “Hajj”, while one is in the state of “Ihram”, sexual activities are forbidden until one has completed all the rites and had exited from that state. Even your participation in a marriage ceremony is forbidden.

So whosoever intends to perform Hajj therein by assuming Ihram, then he should not have sexual relations nor commit sin, nor dispute unjustly during the Hajj
(Quran: Al-Baqarah: 2: 197)

11. WHEN IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE UNDESIRABLE (MAKRUH)?

Although, sexual intercourse is permissible other than during the above stated occasions, Islamic scholars nonetheless, deemed it undesirable (makruh) during frightful natural occurrences like during earthquake, hurricane, eclipse, etc. It is also undesirable during times where prayers and devotions are to be performed; like from dawn to sunrise, from sunset till Maghrib and during special religious occasions like the eve of 'Eid etc.; and also after one is in a state of “Junub” (state of major impurity i.e. before the obligatory bath “ghusl”) unless wudhu' (ablution) is re-taken.


12. WHEN IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE RECOMMENDED (SUNNAT)?

It is recommended to have sexual intercourse on Friday and the night before (Thursday night). This is based on the subtle interpretation of a Hadith which the Prophet s.a.w. said: “Allah blesses those who bathed and is bathed (on Friday)”. And it is to be noted that Thursday & Friday are weekends in Islamic calendar.


13. WHEN IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE OBLIGATORY (WAJIB)?

Marital maintenance (Nafaqah), which the husband has to provide for the wife, includes conjugal relationship. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right to it. It is the right of the wife to have sex with the husband twice a week. However, the frequency actually depends on the feelings, ability and desire of the couple. They should mutually understand each other’s needs. Nevertheless, it is obligatory upon the man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months. It is obligatory for the wife to relent to his advances whenever he needs it. To refuse without just cause, thereby making him angry brings the curses of Allah and the angels upon her until dawn.


14. THE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

(a) Strict Confidentiality

It is forbidden for the couple to disclose to anyone, their intimate experiences, even after they are divorced. Islam demands strict confidentiality. It is disgusting to even listen to such conversations, and it reflects on the one who indulges in this as it shows a lack of respect not only of their spouses but also of themselves.


(b) Observation of Hygiene and Beginning with the Do‘a

It is the Sunnah of the Prophet s.a.w. to be in ‘wudhu’ prior to having sex with his wife. He would also clean his teeth and use sweet smelling perfume. The wife should also perfume and beautify herself for her husband. Her beauty is meant only for her husband’s admiration and not other’s. (Nowadays, some women have differed from this practice by trying to please others more than their husbands.) The Prophet s.a.w. would begin by reciting the BASMALAH and this DO’A:

“Bismillaah, Allaa-humma Jan-nib-na Minash Shai-twaan

Wa Jan-nibish Shai-twaa-na Maa Razaq-tana “.
(In the name of Allah! O Allah, please keep us away from satan and keep satan away from all that which You give to us.)

It is also the Sunnah of the Prophet that the couple to take ablution after this and before sleeping, or before another sexual intercourse.


(c) Decency and Privacy

Decency at home and privacy at certain times of the day and under certain circumstances is emphasized, especially if there are other people or children in the home. The Quran even stipulate guidelines on this matter:

“0 you who believe! Let your legal slaves and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before morning prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isyak prayer. (These) three times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allah makes clear the verses to you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-wise".
(Quran: An-Nur: 24:58)

"And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them ask for permission, as those senior to them. Thus Allah makes clear the verses for you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-wise."
(Quran: An-Nur: 24:59).

Even while in the privacy of the bedroom, it is the sunnah of the Prophet s.a.w. to engage in sexual intercourse free of clothing but under a blanket. As human beings, we should maintain decency even when there is no one else around.


(d) Foreplay

Sex and the intimate relationship are favours of Allah for the couple. However, men often forget that women too have the sexual desire that they have. Although the husband may be sexually aroused, he should consider the feelings of his wife.

He is therefore encouraged to engage in foreplay and stimulate his wife by speaking words of love, playfully teasing and kissing her. Sexual stimulation can be of various means except that Islam forbids the use of foreign objects. The couple can explore the various means of enhancing foreplay and this would go a long way towards developing affection and understanding.Prophet Muhammad [pbuh] is reported to have said:

“Every game (leisurely-amusement) for men are worthless (batil) except in the practice of shooting (archery), horse-riding skill, and playful-jesting (foreplay) with the wife, all these are useful (truth).”
(Hadith reported by Tirmidzi)

Islam recognizes that the sexual desire in women is greater than that of the men. However, they were also created with a greater modesty than that of the men. Yet, Islam encourages the wife to shed her shyness and “unleash’ her modesty during the intimate relationship. She should otherwise cloak her chastity with modesty and shyness to others.


(e) Sexual intercourse

Islam does not forbid any particular position; be it the man above face-to-face, woman above face to face, side-by-side or even from the rear so long as it is into the vagina. The Shari’ah encourages the couple to explore whatever positions as they wish and whatever positions that suit them. However, due to safety reasons, “acrobatic positions” which may hurt and injure are discouraged.


Naturally, it is hoped that through sexual intercourse, Allah will bestow the couple with a child. Therefore, when ejaculating, the husband should let his penis remain in the wife’s vagina and not to immediately remove it. The wife should co-operate by closely embracing him to allow penetration to the fullest.

The husband should accomplish his responsibility to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs by assisting her in achieving orgasm. A selfish behaviour on the part of the husband would lead to frustration for the wife. The Prophet s. a.w. is reported to have said: “You are to satisfy them (your wives) because (sexual) satisfaction for them lies in their vagina.”


(f) Anal Intercourse forbidden

The Prophet s.a.w. said:

“Whosoever have sexual intercourse with his wife while she is in menstruation, or through her anus, or visits a fortune teller and believing in his predictions; then he has rejected the Truth of Allah’s revelation to Muhammad”
(Hadith reported by Four Mahaddithun except An-Nasa'i)

Thus, Islam forbids anal intercourse. Reports concerning sexual intercourse from the rear is not to be misunderstood as through the anus, as is clear from another Hadith of the Prophet s.a.w.:

“You may (have sexual intercourse) from the front or from the rear, as long as it is in her vagina”.
(Hadith reported by Bukhary & Muslim)

MAY ALLAH GUIDE OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS AND US.

MAY HE INCLUDE US AMONGST THOSE WHO ARE RIGHTLY GUIDED.

IT IS TO HIM WE SHALL ALL RETURN.

O ALLAH! BLESS MUHAMMAD AND HIS FAMILY AND INCLUDE
US ALL AMONGST YOUR RIGHTEOUS AND CHOSEN SERVANTS.

VERILY ALL PRAISES ARE UNTO YOU!

AA-MIN YAA ROBBAL ‘AA-LAMEEN.

WABIL-LAAH-HI TA UFIQ WAL HIDAA-YAH

WAS-SALAAMU ‘ALAY KUM

WARAH­-MA TULLAAHI WA BARAKAA TUH.

MARRIAGE FROM AN ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

In the Name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful

Introduction

Islam is not just a religion but a complete way of life. It provides guidance in every aspect of life covering from personal devotions, to matters of family development, social transactions, administration of public welfare and security, judicial matters, distribution of wealth, striving for truth and justice and even leadership and public administration.

It has to be noted that when one speaks of “worship”, in the Islamic concept it is not limited to acts of personal devotions and rites alone. The Arabic word “ ‘ibaadah” (usually translated as worship) is derived from the root word “ ‘abd” which means “a slave or servant” and thus it encompasses every conscious efforts in ones life which as Muslim , we are to “submit our will to the will of God.” Thus on the subject of marriage, Muslims sees it also as an act of serving God and is to be done in accordance with the principles which He (High and Exalted is He) has stipulated and emulating the ways of His Messenger Muhammad (salutations and peace be upon him and his family).

What is marriage ?

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you (“azwaaj” - plural for “zawj”) mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell (live) in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.”

(Qur’an : ar-Rum : 30 : 21)

The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to denote “the other half of a pair” or “mate”. The act of the two (male and female) coming together is called “nikah” (marriage). Islam stresses that it is in the nature of man to seek his partner in life. But unlike the animals, man is a rational and a social being. There are higher ideals and objectives to “marriage” than simply for copulation. The attainment of tranquillity, love and mercy is mentioned by God in the above verse. Therefore to understand “marriage” from Islamic perspective, we need to firstly understand man’s nature and his purpose for living. We believe none except our Creator (God) alone knows what is best for man and therefore Islam is also sometimes called “Ad-deenul-fitrah” (the natural religion) whose laws are there conforming with the nature and needs of mankind. And for man to develop fully his humanity, marriage is seen as complementary rather than as an obstacle. Fulfillment of his sexual needs through marriage is viewed as an act of “worship” and not (as in some other religion) as something profane.

Family - an Islamic perspective.

Islam emphasizes the preservation and perpetuation of family as an institution. Thus marriage being the vital means for the formation of new family, must also be uphold. Without the institution of marriage, the family institution will be destroyed. And it is within the family structure that such important aspects of protection, nurturing and education of women and children are possible as well as enhancing the dignity of individuals and the preservation of their honour.

“O you assembly of young men, whoever amongst you is able to set up a home, let him get married, for that will avert ones eyes from lustful gaze and is most chasteful for the private parts : whoever is not able (yet) then he should fast, because it (fasting) will repulse him therefrom.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

Paternalistic

“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ 4 : 34)

Although everyone is equal in their humanity, yet we are different in our nature (gender). And because of this recognition, the leadership in family structure depended very much on gender roles which nature has dictated. Lest we get overboard with the current craze over “women liberation” we should note that family in Islam is paternalistic. And men have been assigned extra rights over women because of the extra responsibility placed upon men i.e. to protect and maintain the women. It is well-known how Islam, through the last Messenger Muhammad (pbuh), spearheaded the movement which accords a respectable status to women.

(Taklif) Rulings on whether to marry or not ?

When a Muslim attains the age of discernment and accountability, all his actions has implications subjected to the teachings of Islam viz. permissible (harus), desirable (sunnat/mandub), obligatory(wajib), undesirable(makruh) or even forbidden(haram). This rulings is not rigidly fixed but takes into consideration the circumstances which the person may be in. Thus regarding marriage, as a rule it is permissible act but it is regarded as :

[1] Mandub or Sunnat : Recommended (desirable) if one has the means and the desire to marry.

[2] Wajib : Obligatory or compulsory if one has the means and fears that because of his urge he may fall into temptation of committing fornication etc..

[3] Makruh : Undesirable (not encouraged) if one does not have the means and/or the desire for sex.

[4] Haram : Forbidden (prohibited) if one intends to or may cause harm or suffering to the wife.



Importance of Marriage.

Marriage is viewed by Islam as the only right form of relationship between man and woman because it leads to the setting up of families and enables members to undertake and fulfill their social responsibilities conscientiously with devotion and sincerity.

In the Islamic social order, the family is the first and natural unit of humanity and the real cohesive force which makes civilization possible. It is either based on blood relationship, on faith or formed as a result of marriage and which later grows through ties of kinship into groups of tribes, clans and nations.

Islam stresses the importance of the family as a basic unit of society because the foundation for a strong nation can be realized if the families in a particular society carry out their respective duties and abide by the Shari’ah (Islamic Law). Below are some of the important aspects which marriage aims to bring :

[1] Preservation of family and continuation of the human race.
[2] Preservation of Morality and Chastity.
[3] Fulfillment and feeling of self worth through emotional stability, love and kindness.
[4] Widening the network of family relationship and producing a social cohesion in society.
[5] Induces greater responsibility by according clear roles.
[6] Ensuring the preservation and protection of woman and children.


Choice of partners

“And do not marry women who ascribe divinity to others beside God unless they attain to [true] belief [in the absolute Oneness of Allah]: for any believing bondwoman is certainly better than a woman who ascribes partners to God, even though she pleases you greatly. And do not give your women in marriage to men who ascribe divinity to others beside God unless they attain to [true] belief [in the absolute Oneness of Allah]; for any believing bondsman is certainly better than a man who ascribe partners to God, even though he pleases you greatly. [Such as] these invite unto the fire, whereas God invites unto Paradise, and unto [the achievement of] forgiveness by His leave; and He makes clear His messages unto mankind, so that they might bear them in mind.”
(Qur’an : al-Baqarah : 2 : 221)

As a rule, Muslims are to marry Muslims. The rationale behind the prohibition in marrying non-Muslim is that relationship between husband and wife are not merely physical but also spiritual and cultural. And the fact that a Muslim regards religion as a total way of life, having a partner who does not share the same orientation will certainly invite problems. Although it may be possible that a Muslim may influence the unbelieving partner and the children to accept Islam later, it is equally possible that the Muslim himself/herself may be influenced to discard Islam (na’uudzubillaah ! we seek refuge in Allah!). The fact that if the Muslim begun the marriage by not respecting his/her own religion, it certainly would make the task ahead much more difficult in influencing the partner and children to Islam later. Principle difference in religion would cause friction and strain for the family, and therefore the issue of adherence to a common faith at the onset is certainly wise. Even amongst Muslims, choosing a partner should also be based upon his/her adherence to the religion. As advised by the Prophet [pbuh] :

“A woman could be married for four qualities; for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty and for her religious piety. Therefore (those who) choose to marry her for her religious piety will be successful.” (Hadith)

How to make the proper approach to marriage ............

Talab - “seeking after”

The Prophet [pbuh] recommended that in the selection of a bride, a man is allowed to see his intended before betrothal to prevent any disagreements in his choice of life partner. If a man so desires, he may appoint a woman as go-between and interview the would-be bride, or he may himself meet the would be-bride under supervision of her guardian.

Khitab - “engagement”

In Islam, engagement is permissible for purposes of preparing the wedding as well as to indicate to other would-be suitors that the woman has already been spoken for. And in Islam, it is forbidden for another man to ask for the hand of a lady who is already engaged to be married (unless the engagement has been called off or he has the permission from the man she is engaged to).


Registration

In S’pore all Muslim marriages must be done officially under the Registrar of Muslim Marriages (at Fort Canning). The prospective bridegroom and bride must personally come to apply for registration, accompanied by the woman’s guardian. You have to bring along :

[a] Identification papers (passport or I/C).
[c] (If a Muslim convert) your Conversion Certificate.
[d] Other relevant papers : e.g. divorce certificate (if previously married)
(if foreigner e.g. from Malaysia, Brunei or Indonesia) a letter informing of your status from a recognized Islamic authority in your country.

Marriage preparatory course

As it has been found that couples getting married must be fully aware of their rights and responsibilities as well as to be educated on importance aspects of married life, a preparatory course is now required. The Registrar of Muslim Marriage requires proof of attendance of this course from approved institution, and will advise those who has yet to attend to do so.


The Marriage............



The Marriage Solemnization (Aqad)

The essentials (Rukun) :

[1] Bridegroom - must be Muslim, who knows the bride; must be free and not forced; and he must be free from the constrain of Hajj or Umrah; and whose relationship to the bride is not “Mahrim”.

[2] Bride - must be Muslimah, who knows the bridegroom; not forced by the guardian; free from constrain of Hajj and Umrah; and she must be free from previous marriage bond (if applicable). - in this case of divorce or death of husband, she is required to go through the mandatory waiting period called “Iddah”.

[3] Guardian (Wali) - For a bride who has never been married before, her guardian’s consent is necessary. The Guardian must be a (male) Muslim adult; sane and must not be forced; and not a “fasiq” (i.e. a Muslim who persist in committing major sins.)

[4] Witnesses - Two male Muslims as witnesses (one from each party); they must be adult, sane and 'Adl (i.e. just, upright and not a “fasiq”)

[5] Dowry (Mahr) - The “mahr” is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to the bride as consideration. The amount may be determined by the bridegroom according to his means, at the wife’s request or by mutual consent and may be of any reasonable value. The minimum stipulated in S’pore presently is at not less than S$100.00


The Khutbah Nikah (Sermon prior to solemnization)

Usually prior to the actual solemnization, the Qadhi (Registrar) will give a sermon following the ways of our Prophet Muhammad [pbuh], to advise the couple.




...................excerpts from the Khutbah ...............................

“..... Marriage is a social contract, yet it is essentially a spiritual bond of union which should be made with the firm resolve of maintaining it for life.

The institution of marriage in Islam is based on interdependence of man and woman in ensuring fullness of life for each other through mutual affection, mutual confidence and mutual protection. It involves duties and responsibilities that the couple should bear together and individually.

It is the husband’s duty and responsibility :

[a] to maintain the wife with profound care, and live with her on a footing of kindness and equity;

[b] when blessed with children, to maintain them with devotion and to provide adequately for their intellectual, moral, physical and spiritual development; and

[c] to protect the wife and other members of the family to the best of his ability, and order their lives in accordance with the teaching of Islam.

As to the wife, it is her duty :

[a] to guard her chastity and to protect the rights, honour and property of her husband and to be ever honest and sincere;

[b] to serve her husband and members of the family with consideration and politeness; and

[c] to bring up the children as good Muslims.

With the solemnization of your marriage, which will take place presently, you will begin a new life as husband and wife. With mutual devotion, understanding and tolerance, you would be able to live a happy and contented life. Be grateful to Allah for the blessings of happiness, and face any trial or tribulation with courage, forbearance, completely trusting yourselves to Allah.

By following the precepts of Islam and being truthful and trustworthy, fulfilling your obligations towards Allah, you will certainly achieve success and happiness. And Allah says in the Holy Qur’an : “O you who believe ! Guard your duty to Allah and speak words straight to the point, He will adjust your works for you and will forgive you all your sins. Whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, he verily, has gained a signal victory.”

Hold discussions between yourselves, and deliberate on all matters pertaining to the affairs of the family; and exchange counsel in order to avoid friction. Maintain good relation with in-laws, treat elders with respect and youngsters with affection. This will strengthen family bonds and promote happiness and harmony in the family.

Finally, I advice you to avoid separation (divorce); for separation brings unhappiness to the children and misery to both husband and wife.”......

------------- end of important excerpts from the khutbah ------------------




[6] The “Ijab - Qobul” (Solemnization)

This is a clear offer of the bride by her guardian or his nominee (usually the Qadhi - registrar), to be immediately accepted by the groom with clear pronouncement without hesitation. e.g.

Guardian or Qadhi : “O! (name of bridegroom) I give my daughter (name of bride) in marriage to you with the dowry (i.e.“Mahr”-consideration) of (either in dollars or in kind - in the latter case then the value will also be stated).”

Bridegroom (to respond) : “I take her as my wife”
or

“I take (name of bride) as my wife with the dowry mentioned.”

It is to be noted that with this acceptance, the bridegroom has taken over from her guardian the responsibility of maintaining the said lady, as his lawful wife: to provide for her needs, be it physical and spiritual comfort, to provide for her religious education and development, and to protect and safeguard her honour, chastity, welfare and security of herself and her properties.


Ta’aliq - “special condition”

In S’pore, to ensure the rights of the bride is further safeguarded from abuse, a special condition is to be agreed upon by the bridegroom. It reads :

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“On every occasion that I _____________ :

[1] leave my wife _________ for a continuous period of four months or more, intentionally of unintentionally; or

[2] fail to maintain her for the said period, whereas she is obedient to me; or

[3] commit any action that causes injury to her body or damage to her property or causes her to lose her self respect;

and my wife complains to the Shari’ah court and if her complain is proven, then she is divorced by one Talaq (pronouncement). ”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Feast to celebrate (Walimatul aqad / Walimatul- Urus.)

It is strongly recommended by the Prophet [pbuh] that the bridegroom should host a “walimah” (feast) for friends and well-wishers on the day following the marriage, because in Islam marriage should not be done secretly but should be publicized as much as possible. This practice is a binding practice from the Prophet’s teachings. It serves as a means of announcing to relations, friends and the community concerning the marriage - to join in the joyous occasion and to share the happiness and blessings. But, it must be noted that one should not be extravagant (but within one’s mean and ability).

WaAllaahu a'-lam

was-Salaamu 'alaykum WaraHmmatullaah

------------------------------------------end of first topic ------------------------------------

“RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE”

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

Introduction

Islam believes family institution is the basic foundation for the building of a strong nation. Family, being the nucleus and basic unit of society is very much linked to the institution of marriage which is the legitimate means for perpetuating new families. And social coexistence depends very much on each individual to know their place and their responsibilities, to know their rights and the rights of others, and to strive in fulfilling them. In the Qur’an Allah (most exalted and high is He) specifies the principles for a society that is successful as opposed to being losers thus :

“Consider the flight of time ! Verily, man is bound to lose himself unless he be of those who attain to faith, and do good works, and enjoin upon one another to truth, and enjoin upon one another patience in adversity.”
(Qur’an : al-’Asr : 103 : 1-3)

Fulfillment of one’s roles and responsibilities, when carried out with a conscious intent to serve the Creator, is therefore a righteous act. What are the acts that are good and righteous ? This has been detailed in the teachings of Islam based on principles laid down in the Qur’an and the Sunnah (practices) of the Messenger Muhammad [pbuh]. Thus in marriage, Islam specifies duties for individuals in the family in their respective roles as husband and wife. And every Muslim are obliged to carry out these responsibilities with Taqwa (full awareness of Allah Whom we shall be accountable to). The Prophet [pbuh] said :

“When the servant of God marries, he has fulfilled half of the responsibilities laid on him by the faith, so let him have Taqwa (i.e. let him be mindful of God) concerning (the fulfilling of) the remaining half (of his responsibilities).”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITIES


[a] Obedience to Allah and His Messenger.

“O you who have attained to faith ! Pay heed (obey) Allah, and pay heed unto the Messenger, and let not your (good) deeds come to naught ! “
(Qur’an : Muhammad : 47 : 33)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Save yourselves and your family (from) the fire (of Hell in the hereafter) whose fuel is human beings and stones; (lording) over it are angels stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in whatever He has commanded them, but (always) do what they are bidden to do.”
(Qur’an : Tahrim : 66 : 6)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Be true to your covenants !
(Qur’an : al-Ma’idah : 5 : 1)

[b] To live in tranquillity with love and mercy.

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you (azwaaj - plural for zawj) mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell (live) in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.”
(Qur’an : ar-Rum : 30 : 21)

[c] To safeguard own chastity and honor.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity; this will be most conducive to their purity - [and] verily Allah is aware of all that they do.
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity [in public] beyond what may [decently] be apparent thereof; hence, let them draw their head coverings over their bosoms. and let them not display [more of] their charms to any but their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s son, or their womenfolk, or those whom they rightfully possess, or such male attendants beyond all sexual desire, or children that are as yet unaware of women’s nakedness; and let them not swing their legs [in walking] so as to draw attention to their hidden charms. And [always], O you believers - all of you - turn to Allah in repentance, so that you might attain to a happy state !
(Qur’an : an-Nur : 24 : 30-31)

[d] To maintain confidentiality

The Prophet [pbuh] said : “Of all the people, the worst is that person who approaches his wife and enjoy her company, and then he publicize this secret (to others). (Hadith of the Prophet)


HUSBAND’S OBLIGATION (WIFE’S RIGHT)



[a] Provision of Mahr (Dowry)

“And give unto women their marriage portion (mahr* - dowry) in the spirit of a gift; but if they, of their own accord, give up unto you ought thereof, then enjoy it with pleasure and good cheer.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ : 4 : 4)

* note that a wife is a person with rights to ownership. And the marriage begins with the husbands acknowledgment that she is not a liability nor is she a property to be owned.


[b] Provide maintenance for the Wife

“Let him who has ample means spend in accordance with his amplitude; and let him whose means of subsistence are scanty spend in accordance with what Allah has given him; Allah does not burden any human being with more than He has given him - [and it may well be that] Allah will grant, after hardship, ease. “
(Qur’an : at-Talaq : 65 : 7)

* note that even in the event that the husbands income may become affected, he still has to provide for the wife’s maintenance from whatever wealth which he has.
* as regards the wife’s needs it must be extended to : physical, emotional, conjugal, intellectual, cultural, and spiritual as well.

[c] Protector and guardian of the Wife

“Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ 4 : 34)

“O you who have attained to faith ! Save yourselves and your family (from) the fire (of Hell in the Hereafter....”

(Qur’an : at-Tahrim : 66 : 6)

* as guardian, the five major duties which a husband accepts from the her guardian are to be remembered : viz: her physical needs such as food and clothing, her Islamic development (religious, intellectual and moral), her shelter (security and protection), preservation of her dignity and honour.

[d] Duty to treat the Wife with kindness and equity

“And (O Believers ! ) live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity (ma’aruf); for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah might yet make a source of abundant good. “
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ : 4 :19)

OBLIGATIONS OF THE WIFE (HUSBAND’S RIGHT)



[a] To be obedient to her husband on matters not contrary to Islam

“The righteous women are truly the devoutly obedient ones, who guard the intimacy which Allah has (ordained to be ) guarded.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa : 4 : 34)

The Prophet was asked : “Which is the best woman ?” He replied : “A woman who fills her husband with joy when he looks at her, and when he asks anything lawful she obeys, and never adopts any attitude in connection with her ownself and her goods which is repugnant to him.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

* obedience of the wife to her husband is very much emphasize ( except if he commands her to do something directly contrary to teachings of Islam, in which case she must not obey).

[b] To fulfill the conjugal rights of her Husband

“When the husband calls the wife to bed (for conjugal relation) and she refuses to obey, the angel curses her till the next morning.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

* the husbands’ sexual needs must be catered for by the wife, after all one of the objective for marriage is so that he can find a lawful means to satisfy this need.

[c] Protects the Husband’s prestige and property

“After piety (Taqwa) .....that which is the most treasured is a righteous woman ...... who, if he puts her under a vow, she fully observes it. and in the absence of the husband, she guards with his honor and his property).”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

[d] Manages the household and the upbringing of the Children

“A man is a shepherd in charge of his household and he shall be held responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s home and children and she shall be held responsible for them. So every one of you is shepherd and each of you are responsible for his flock.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

“A woman who performs her five daily obligatory prayers, fast in the month of Ramadhan, protects her modesty and chastity, and is obedient to her husband, she may enter Paradise through any door she likes.”
(Hadith of the Prophet)

Wa Allaahu a'-lam

Was-salaa-mu 'alaykum warah matullaah

MANAGEMENT OF FAMILY FINANCE

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

The Husband as the maintainer

“Man shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions.”
(Qur’an : an-Nisa’ : 4 : 34)

Marriage entails responsibilities. The onus of providing and maintaining the family is placed upon the male (husband) who thus assumes the leadership / guardianship role. In Islam, women are always under the guardianship of a male. Before marriage, it is the father or a brother etc. termed as “wali”, and the solemnization (ijab / qabul) actually signifies the transference of responsibilities to the bridegroom by her guardian.

Thus, amongst the condition for marriage the Prophet [pbuh] stipulates that the men must be in a position to manage (i.e. provide for and maintain) a home.

“O you assembly of young men ! Whoever amongst you is able to set up a home (ba-ats), let him get married ...........” (Hadith from the Prophet [pbuh] )



Remember the Ta’liq (Special condition recited after nikah)

“ On every occasion I _________ :

[a] leave my wife _____________ for a continuous period of four months or more, intentionally of unintentionally;
or
[b] fail to maintain her for the said period, whereas she is obedient to me; ....... ”

Maintenance of the wife is the husband’s responsibility and failure to do so can be a reason for the wife to seek the indulgence of the Shari’ah court. Although, pronouncement of divorce is the prerogative of the husband, in the case of failure to provide for her and other abuses by a husband, the Shari’ah court may invoke this condition of freeing the wife from the marriage bond.

How much to provide ?

“Let him who has ample means spend in accordance with his amplitude; and let him whose means of subsistence are scanty spend in accordance with what Allah has given him; Allah does not burden any human being with more than He has given him - [and it may well be that] Allah will grant, after hardship, ease. “
(Qur’an : at-Talaq : 65 : 7)

Joint responsibility to be adhered

“ .... and eat and drink [freely] , but do not waste; verily He (Allah) does not love the wasteful !”
(Qur’an : al-A’raf : 7 : 31)

Both husband and wife must cooperate together in the proper management of the family resources through :

[1] living and spending in moderation;

[2] being thrifty and practice the habit of saving.

[3] to do family budgeting.


Factors which leads to family financial crisis

[1] Internal factor (which we can have control over)

· - desires and expectations which are unrealistic.
· - initial overspending for the marriage.
· - habit of borrowing money.
· - too spendthrift (spending based on desires and without planning)
· - practices forbidden in Islam (especially gambling, intoxicants etc..)

[2] External factor (although we have no direct control, yet we should be prepared for)

· circumstances that may affect your income such as :

• retrenchment;
  accidents;
  sickness ...... etc.
  
  
  Effects of Financial crisis to the family
  
  · forever will be troubled with debts.
  · will add “stress” upon the marriage relationship.
  · will be the main cause for marital conflict.
  · individually, the couple may develop negative self-esteem.- “..sense of failure etc.”
  
  
  Why the need to budget ? ... what are its benefits ?
  
  · Coordination
  · Planning and knowledge of priority in spending
  · Encourage communications.
  
  
  Tips on how to do family budget.
  
  · discuss, set and agree on priority in family spending.
  · to spend according to family capability.
  · although a budget has been set, to try not to spend all allocation.
  · include compulsory savings in the budget.
  · to plan together.
  · to share ideas and income.
  
  
  Note : Important guidelines if the wife is willing to assist the family finance by working.
  
  * that her duty as a mother must not be neglected.
  * that the wife is willing (and cannot be forced to do so).
  * must be with the permission of her husband, who has the right to stop her from continuing.
  * the wife is free to stop work if she wants to.
  * her income is for the family and not solely for her own use.
  
  
  How to categorize family spending according to priority
  
  
  [1] High priority spending :
  
  · payment of housing - rent, mortgage etc.
  · payment of utility bills
  · children’s educational fees
  · daily spending needs for school-going children
  · spending on provisions
  · marketing money
  · daily travel and working expenses.
  
  [2] Medium priority :
  
  · purchasing of clothing
  · cost to visit wife’s or husbands family (in-laws)
  · cost of attending invitations to weddings and other social events
  · purchasing of magazines and supplementary reading materials .... etc.
  
  [3] Emergency spending.
  
  This could be for :
  · seeking medical treatment to clinic
  · assisting family in dire need ...... etc.
  
  [4] Any other unforeseen circumstances.
  
  We may not know what the future circumstances may be. Therefore allow for contingencies - “savings for a rainy day.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  TELL-TALE SIGNS OF FAMILY FINANCIAL CRISIS
  
  ·When bills are not paid on time or you finding it “hard’ to pay on time.
  ·Preferring longer loans and buying in credit.
  ·When you begin to start borrowing, either from family or friends.
  ·When you start using “savings” to pay for utilities bills.
  ·When the cause of family ‘quarrels’ is on bills.
  ·When you begin to “moonlight’ or seek extra-jobs, thus sacrificing family value-time.
  ·When your family is deprive from enjoying bonus money because it goes towards settling debts.
  
  
  
  
  
  THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE NOTED WHEN SEEKING TO OVERCOME FAMILY FINANCIAL CRISIS:
  
  
  
  [1] TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM
  
  Before any solution/remedy can be possible, we have to recognize that we have a problem. People who are still in “denial stage”, would pretend as though everything is all right. Thus no improvement can be made when one do not acknowledge that there is defects. People tends to be defensive as though it is an admission of faults on their part. The exercise here is not to find personal fault but to be “frank’ in assessing the situation.
  
  
  [2] BE READY TO “GIVE-AND-TAKE” AND WILLINGNESS TO ADJUST
  
  Both husband and wife must have the attitude of ‘give-and-take”. Remember you are both a team. You should have concern, empathy, supportive and show greater understanding for each other. Frankness and sincerity are necessary elements. Thus, it is no point picking on or blaming one another, but try to find ways to settle the problem. You “sink” or “swim” together. Personal adjustments and change may be required and thus be willing to make sacrifices just so the problems can be settled. Be appreciative of each others sacrifices.
  
  
  [3] ALWAYS SEEK TO STRENGTHEN RELATIONSHIP
  
  To overcome problems, both must have strong desire and resolve. Thus, at all times show support and cooperate in matters of family concern. The strengthening of relationship would prepare you well when crisis occur. At all times, both husband and wife must display truthfulness and act justly.
  
  
  [4] CHOOSE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DISCUSS
  
  Always remember that to discuss family finance it should be done at appropriate time and place. Confidentiality should be maintained. If preparing budget has become a routine, you may allocate discussion to review what may be seen as a problem. Remember, “prevention is better than cure.”
  
  

“ADVICE : BUILDING A TRANQUIL HOME ”

FROM THE DESK OF USTAZ ZHULKEFLEE

As the period for this course has been limited to only a few sessions, whereas there are much more that can be learnt, thus I will only cover certain aspects only and hope it can be useful towards preparing all of you for your marriage. This brief paper is simply entitled : “An advice .....”, and I direct the advice to myself and to you :


Remember always

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you (azwaaj - plural for zawj) mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell (live) in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.”
(Qur’an: ar-Rum: 30: 21)

· That a wife or a husband (though are different) are meant to complement each other.
· We are to live with our wife or husband in tranquillity. Trials and tribulations may occur but we must set our vision towards creating a tranquil home, and work together for its achievement.
· Love and mercy which we hope to nurture, are bestowal’s from Allah. Thus whatever feelings of love and mercy which already blossoms within us must be cherished and we must be grateful for, so that much more will be given by Allah s.w.t. He says in the Qur’an : “If you are grateful, then I will give you more (much more than you deserve)...” (Q: Surah Ibrahim : 7)



Reliance on “Taqwa” (consciousness of God) and
“Tawakkal” (Trusting in God)

“And unto everyone who is conscious of Allah (yatta-qillaah), He (Allah) [always] grants a way out [of unhappiness], and provides for him in a manner beyond all expectation; and for everyone who places his trust in Allah, He alone is sufficient. Verily Allah always attains to His purpose: [and] indeed, unto everything has Allah appointed its [term and] measure.”
(Qur’an: at-Talaq: 65: 3)

Leadership & Communication skills

“And it was by Allah’s grace that you [O Prophet] did deal gently with your followers: for if you had been harsh and heart, they would indeed have broken away from thee. Pardon them, then, and pray that they be forgiven. And take counsel with them in all affairs of the moment; then, when you have decided upon a course of action, place your trust in Allah: for verily Allah loves those who place their trust in Him.”
(Qur’an: al-Imran: 3: 159)

Factors to consider for good leadership are:

· gentle and not harsh-hearted;
· readiness to overlook and to pardon shortcomings;
· seek Allah’s forgiveness for each others mistakes;
· mutual consultation in affairs of moments;
· after making resolve on a matter, to place complete trust in Allah s.w.t.

Factors for good communication

· openness
· self-awareness : “WHAT are we saying ? HOW we are saying it?

and WHY are we saying it ?”
· maintain dignity - “self-esteem & self-confidence”
· Empathy
· Good listener:give attention, respond with encouragement and remembering what is said.

Tips: remember “Use C “:
U - understand what is said
S - show interests and do not interrupt
E - express to speaker that you understand / feedback
“C” - clarify whenever you are unsure


Adjustments


Marriage requires adjustment - of yourself to your partner, your new role, new environment etc. It definitely will require both of you to be open to change. Whether the marriage work or not, cooperation of both parties are crucial. Thus you need to have a positive “give-and-take” attitude, supportive and understanding of each other. You are to remember that there may be certain expectations, which you have which are not realistic and thus, should be ready to compromise and adjust. Talk with your spouse and not at your spouse. Listen and consider what your partner has to say. Be open and understanding. Remember real love blossoms after marriage, and requires constant nurturing. Be appreciative of your partner’s willingness to change. Your past attraction before marriage, at best, may be just infatuation or “puppy love”. Most successful marriages are by those who worked to develop love after marriage, and not those who rely on their feeling of “love” for each other before marriage.

Set quality programs (routine)

· perpetuate the feeling of affection through “Salaam”
· speak words of kindness to each other
· always have time for each other - your partner needs assurance & encouragement.
· perform the (swolah) obligatory prayers together at home
· do things together or with each others knowledge
· do not go to sleep with unsettled differences
· always seek Allah’s assistance by devotions and supplications to Him.
· maintain healthy lifestyle.


Intimacy

Wedding night

· Offer 2 rakaat prayer (optional), and then supplicate :

“O Allah! Bless me with her affection and her acceptance of me; make me be pleased with her; and bring us together in the best form of union and in absolute harmony; surely You like what is lawful and hate the unlawful things.”

· Always observe good hygiene: “It is the practice of the Prophet [pbuh] to be in wudhu’ (ablution) prior to having sex with his wife. He would also clean his teeth and use perfume.” (Hadith)

· Du’a before engaging in intercourse : The Prophet [pbuh] always begin by reciting :

BIS-MILLAAH,

ALLAA-HUM-MA JAN-NIB-NAA
MINASH-SHAY-TwAAN,

WA-JAA- NIBISH- SHAY-TwAA-NA MAA-
RAZAQ-TANAA.
“In the Name of Allah! O Allah, please keep us away from satan and keep satan away from all that which You bestow upon us.”

Fore-play

• It is the Sunnah (the way) of the Prophet [pbuh] to precede sexual act with playful teasing and foreplay. Remember that your partners have feelings too. Therefore learn, explore and help to heighten arousal of your partner thereby making it ready for actual intercourse. Ample ways are open as alluded to in the beautiful parable in the Qu’ran and we should reflect upon it:
  
  

  “Your wives are as tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when and how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and be conscious of Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the hereafter), and give (these) glad tidings to those who believe.”
  (Qur’an: al-Baqarah: 2: 223)
  

  
  

  “You may have it (sexual intercourse) from the front or from the rear,
  as long as it is in her vagina.”
  (Hadith of the Prophet -Bukhary & Muslim)
  

  
  
  When is sex forbidden?
  
  · during menstruation (refer Qur’an al-Baqarah : 2 : 222)
  · during post-natal bleeding
  · during the daily fast of Ramadhan
  · when in state of Ihram (when performing Hajj & Umrah)
  
  Strict confidentiality:
  
  The Prophet [pbuh] said: “Of all the people, the worst is that person who approaches his wife and enjoy her company, and then he publicize this secret (to others).
  (Hadith of the Prophet)
  
  
  
  Avoid divorce
  
  
  The Prophet [pbuh] said:
  
  

  “A thing that (although) is lawful and (yet) is disliked
  by Allah, is divorce.”
  (Hadith of the Prophet)

  
  “Get married to one another and avoid divorce for Allah dislikes people who change their husbands or their wives.”
  (Hadith of the Prophet)
  
  

  “A wife who asks for divorce from her husband without
  valid reason will be forbidden from the fragrance of
  Paradise.”
  (Hadith of the Prophet)
  

  
  
  · Husbands are to be careful of their words (either spoken or written). Their pronouncement of divorce is valid even if said in jest or play-acting. Whether the words are clear (explicit) or even if implied (kinaayah), such pronouncement will be taken seriously. A divorced couple is allowed to be reconciled twice (talaq raj’i), but after the third pronouncement (talaq ba’in), they will forever be separated with no chance for reconciliation (except if the wife marries another man, who later divorced her after consummation - “muhallil”).

· Every pronouncement made should be reported to the Shari’ah court.



Managing a delinquent wife: Steps stipulated in the Qur’an ......

“And as for those women (wives) whose ill-will (“nushuz” - rebellious) you have reason to fear, admonish them [first]; then leave them alone in bed; then beat them *; and if thereupon they pay heed (obey), do not seek to harm them. Behold, Allah is indeed most high, great! And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, Allah may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, Allah is indeed all-knowing, aware.”
(Qur’an: an-Nisa’: 4: 34)

*regarding beating, the Prophet [pbuh] stressed that this is only resorted to if the wife “has become guilty, in an obvious manner, of immoral conduct”, and that it should be done “in such a way (ghayr mubarrih) as not to cause pain “ If it has to be resorted to at all, should be more or less symbolic - “with a toothbrush, or some such thing” or even “with a folded handkerchief”.

(a) “.... admonish”
A rebellious wife should be admonished first. The role of the husband to educate and guide his family towards that which can save the family from hell-fire, requires him to be firm. But he should not be impatient but rather he should strive to firstly teach and if need be to admonished her. The wife should be careful to note the seriousness of this admonition for it is the first step. The tone of admonition could be gradually changed from a firm statement to even raising the voice slightly to indicate the seriousness of the matter.

(b) “..... leave them alone in bed”
If by admonishing, the wife do not change her ways, the Qur’an stipulates “sleeping separately.” It is hoped that the sensitive nature of woman should awaken her to the seriousness of the matter.

(c) “ ........ beat them”
Sometimes, even this may not work. The Qur’an then allows for the husband to “beat.” As has been explained above, this is not meant to cause hurt or pain to the wife, but as a symbolic gesture by the husband to shock her into realizing that she has already exceeded her limits.

(d) “...... appoint arbiters”
When all these could not resolve the situation, then the couple is advised to resort to arbitration. Two respectable people, one representative for each, to adjudicate the differences using the teachings of Islam as the standard. It is hope that they can advise those guilty of wrong to mend her ways or his ways (when it is the wife/husband who is at fault).


Managing a ‘delinquent’ husband ......

It may so happen that it is the husband that is the delinquent party. Although the approach to deal with the ‘delinquent’ husband is not like the previous steps, because in the case of a delinquent wife her husband will also be made to be responsible for her sins, whereas the sins committed by the husband is not borne by the wife. But, there are ways, which the wife can and should adopt to deal with him.

(a) “words of advise”

It is the wife’s right to offer advise as the Prophet [pbuh] have said “ ... if you are unable to change the (wrongdoing) with your hands, then do it with your tongue...”. The manner of giving advise should be one which exude compassion, kindness and concern (which actually is the strength in a woman), always giving due respect to him as the husband. So be firm and yet kind. Thus this has to be done with utmost patience and perseverance. Knowledge about the religion therefore is very useful as basis for your advice, because everyone has to obey Allah and His messenger. Support this with prayers (swolah) and supplication (do’a) because only Allah s.w.t. has power to change a person’s heart. The rule is as Allah s.w.t. said :

“Invite them (all) to the way of your Lord with wisdom
and fair exhortation ...”
(Q: Surah An-Nahl: 125)

(b) “seek assistance”

When the nature of delinquency involves deprivation of your rights as a wife especially for those stipulated in the Ta’liq [special condition read by the husband after the solemnization] such as: non-payment of maintenance, or his violence leading to injury or damage to yourself or to your property, or when his action causes you to loose respect - you can seek assistance or indulgence of the Shar’iah court. It does not mean that by going to the Shar’iah court, a woman is taking steps for divorce. You will be given professional advice or the couple may be given to family counselors to resolve the problems. There are other Islamic organizations that provide family counseling services which you may turn to in strict confidentiality. Our task (Shar’iah court and all Islamic organizations) is to ensure problems within families are resolved so as to prevent breaking up. You must know that Islamic laws are there to ensure the rights of every Muslim are accorded. Perhaps advice from such body may be effective where the wife’s advise fails.


Negative effects of divorce

· (if convert) danger of renouncement.
· remarriage with others may become more difficult due to social stigma, children, age.
· emotionally stressful to both.
· wealth and property will be divided up.
· children will face a trauma and their future development will suffer from a broken home.
· may create enmity between families.


Conclusion:

“ May Allah bless us all! And join you all in the bond of your marriage with bestowal of goodness. May He strengthens your Faith through this marriage so that you are able to fulfill all your responsibilities with dedication and Taqwa.” Aa-min.

Wallaahu a’lam - wabil-laahit-tau-fiq wal-hidaa-yah
Was-salaamu ‘alay-kum warah -matullaah.